C H L O E ♥

Thursday, August 18, 2011

count the number of 'negative' in this entry. ♥

I'm not going to type one whole chunk of sad realizations, regretful words and all the whatsnots.

But,

SCREW MY NEGATIVITY.

And whatever that comes or will come, COME. Come full force on me!

Cuz I'm so going to handle it well.

How's THIS for negativity.

At least I tried to think of ways to solve certain matters. Even if they are all stupid suggestions, at least I tried to think of something! And if the suggestion doesn't make any dog sense, I think of something else. Instead of sitting by, day by day, procrastinating the problem.

And I account for my own actions. I quit my job, I make damn sure well I find another one. I spend money, I make sure damn well I can pay.

Credit me for that. Credit me for trying to make things right. Credit me for shouldering some unnecessary things cuz I want to be responsible for making things right.

I don't think most people see that in me, eh? You all just think I spend money without thinking, do things without thinking. I may have overlooked some factors sometimes. But it doesn't make me have the disability to think of consequences.

I value people's opinions. In fact, they are so important to me, I let that get the better of me sometimes. I specially value my loved one's opinions. Not that you can't tell me anything cuz I'm negative.

How about some positivity now?

I am positive that I can rely on you.

I am positive that you can make me happy.

I am positive that you we can be very very happy.

And when I turn negative on some of these points, or some that are not named, why?

Cuz I am negative, that's why now I'm negative that I can rely on you?

If I am so negative towards your intentions/in my thinking, then what are the above positive examples? Bullshit?

Talk about negativity! When I keep finding ways to make things better. When I try to think of ways to problems. Tell me that I'm always so pessimistic. What caused it?

And don't pinpoint me when there's a proven theory about cause and effect.

There's a reason for everything. Something happens, that leads to something else, and which leads to something else.

I know. SCREW MY NEGATIVITY. That is something I have to work on. Harder. Not that I don't have a tinge of positivity in me.

By taking up that diploma, already half-prove I'm positive enough to THINK I can make it. Not totally make it up-there, like some celebrity. But I'm already finding something in something that a lot of people deemed 'impossible' and 'hopeless'. Doesn't that count as positive?

Then why don't you say people who stick to their sucky jobs and facing their fucked-up superiors as NEGATIVE. Cuz they think they cannot do any better outside of their current job.

I'm not saying it's a bad thing sticking by a 'normal' job. It's perfectly fine and practical and it's good! Something I WISH I CAN DO. But I can't. And so, back to track, doesn't that count as negative too cuz they think it's not such a good idea to leave a decently-paying and stable job. Everyone has their way of looking at things what. One can trim bushes at the middle of the expressway. But some can't.

You can't just say they are negative when they complain things, or blame everything on themselves. To some extent, they are being negative, yes. But to some extent, they are being responsible for things related to them. And from there, they try to make things better. And if you want to be successful in preventing them to blame themselves, then show them that in fact, they are not to blame. Talk is cheap. It's not even a penny's worth. Unless you are some good fucker giving seminars and talks.

If I don't fucking feel any sense of responsibility, I can fuck care everything, and everything that happens, I will say "it's not my fault." And there you have it, ultra-positive that whatever that happens it's not my fault, so it's not my problem, and I'm not responsible for making things right again.

Of course everyone must have a fair bit of negativity and positivity.

YOU only see MY negativity cuz I keep filling you with sad stuff. But when I'm being positive, you miss that out, cuz negativity now defines me and to you, you only see this gulf of negativity overwhelming me.

And you will go, "THERE! You and your negativity again", instead of "That's positiveness!" when I say certain things.

I've lost myself saying all these things, I'm not sure if I make any more sense anymore. Just, screw my negativity okay?

And also, I'm not that all-negative, because I see positiveness in what I am going to do. And that, is a fucking major decision. More than being negative about a partner's intentions.

I've never even started out, and you are telling me I won't do good.

Look who's being negative?

AND FUCK, MY BALUT POST IS STILL AT THE END OF MY PAGE NOW.

♠ Posted by Chloeee At 10:58 PM